


the hand he holds

by coldbrewgirl



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Freeform, Gaslighting, Infidelity, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Projection, Secrets, Toxic Relationship, i’m bad at tagging help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29643939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldbrewgirl/pseuds/coldbrewgirl
Summary: Doyoung smiled, like it was the most natural thing in the world; and maybe it is, keeping secrets from the supposed love of his life, that is.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 14
Kudos: 38
Collections: Challenge #5 — I heard a secret..





	the hand he holds

**Author's Note:**

> massive thanks to the people who helped me, i couldn’t have done this without you
> 
> to my beta, sunny, you’re the absolute best and a complete joy to work with.

Two arms. Two _pairs_ of arms. 

Two rings. _Ten fingers._ Two hands.

_Linked._

It had always been Taeyong and Doyoung, and Doyoung and Taeyong. That’s all Taeyong had ever known. 

* * *

“You’re hiding something,” Doyoung said pointedly, turning his body away from the bar table to face Taeyong.

“No,” Taeyong said, but it sounded more like a question, and, for the first time since they started living together, Doyoung wanted to wonder if he had made the right decision. Taeyong turned away, moving to reach for the coffee pot, and Doyoung craned his neck, maybe to see what the other one was doing, but mostly to try and read his eyes. He startled as Taeyong faced him, and stumbled as his foot left the chair it was resting on. 

“Are you?” Taeyong asked, his voice soft. Doyoung’s eyes flashed upwards to meet Taeyong’s face in alarm, then shifted downwards. He swallowed hard once, twice, then swallowed again before breathing in deeply.

“No.” And then Doyoung smiled, like it was the most natural thing in the world; and maybe it is, keeping secrets from the supposed love of his life, that is. 

* * *

“Move in with me?” Doyoung had asked sweetly on one knee, his smile beatific. Taeyong hadn’t been able to say anything, his mouth opening and closing in shock. 

“I… don’t know what to say.” Tentatively, hesitantly. 

“Say yes?” Doyoung glanced up at his boyfriend from beneath his lashes, and Taeyong’s heart lost footing, stumbled, then tripped over itself. He had wondered if it were possible to pass out from sheer happiness. 

“Okay.” Taeyong’s answering smile was dazzling, and his heart skittered as Doyoung reached into his pocket and pulled out a thin silver ring. 

“This is for you.” Doyoung slid the ring onto his boyfriend’s finger, and Taeyong all but gasped as he noticed one on Doyoung’s finger as well. 

“I love you,” he said brightly, throwing his arms around Doyoung tightly, and he imagined he could stay like this forever. How could he have been so lucky to have someone as perfect as Doyoung?

* * *

“You’re going out? Again?” Doyoung asked, a bitter bite to his questions. “That’s the third time this week. Where are you going, anyway?” Doyoung had been going out just as often as his boyfriend was, but the latter couldn’t — no, he shouldn’t — know about it. Taeyong looked up from the book he was reading, eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion at Doyoung’s tone. 

“To meet some friends. I thought I had told you; I must have forgotten. I’m sorry, Doyoung-ah,” Taeyong said quietly, almost apologetically, and guilt stretched its claws towards Doyoung’s spine. The air hung thick around them for a while. 

Then “Is Ten going to be there?” Doyoung’s voice was loud, too loud, in the silence of the room.

“Ten is my _friend_ , babe. I—”

“ _Ten_ is in love with you,” Doyoung snapped, cutting his boyfriend off harshly. Taeyong opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again, and guilt trailed its sharp claws down Doyoung’s chalkboard spine as he looked away. 

* * *

Taeyong hummed as he peeled potatoes and sliced them thinly. He thoroughly enjoyed cooking for Doyoung and himself, and tonight was more special than any other. The sliced potatoes went into the pot, and then a generous amount of pepper, just the way Doyoung liked it. Taeyong smiled to himself as he imagined his boyfriend’s excitement over seeing his favorite meal prepared. He put the wooden spoon down as his phone chimed, alerting him of a text message from Doyoung.

_Babe I won’t be home early_

_tonight. I have a work thing_

_and_ _Jaehyun is getting us_

_dinner._

Taeyong read the message once, twice, then sighed as he glanced at the pot on the stove, sauce bubbling loudly. 

_Alright babe. I’ll just leave some_

_leftovers for you in the oven in_

_case_ _you get hungry when you_

 _come_ _home. I love you x_

_Okay._

Taeyong blinked at the reply, and his stomach roiled uneasily. Doyoung had been coming home late recently, and he had always been having dinner with his work friend called Jaehyun. The last time he had asked Doyoung about it however, his boyfriend had reassured him that it had been all boring work talk and that he had nothing to worry about. 

_After all_ , Doyoung had said, _you hang out with Ten, too. It’s exactly the same thing._ And so Taeyong had stopped asking, because maybe his boyfriend was right, and maybe he was just being selfish, wanting Doyoung all to himself. 

Besides, he had nothing to worry about, right?

* * *

“You have something here.” Doyoung tapped at his own upper lip lightly as they were eating pasta one night. 

“Here?” Taeyong rubbed at his lip, completely missing the spot his boyfriend had pointed to, and Doyoung chuckled, eyes crinkling at the corners lightly. 

“Let me,” he murmured, reaching over to run a thumb over Taeyong’s lip, and the latter shivered as Doyoung licked the tomato sauce off his finger. 

“Thanks,” Taeyong breathed, eyes clouding over hazily, and Doyoung’s mouth pulled up in a mischievous smile, promises of _dessert_ written all over his face. But that thought promptly ended as Taeyong’s eyes suddenly focused somewhere else.

“What are you looking at?” Doyoung asked, coughing slightly at the almost instantaneous mood change, then followed his boyfriend’s line of sight to his own raised finger, ring glinting under the fluorescent light. His arm shifted unconsciously as he dropped his arm, realization hitting him hard. 

“Oh, this? It’s just some cheap thing I bought at the night market a week ago when I went out with my workmates,” Doyoung said quickly, but Taeyong didn’t answer him. “Jeez, I just like rings, okay? Can’t I buy the things I like?”

“I just — where’s _our_ ring?” Doyoung startled at the question, then looked down at his hand again. _Shit_. He had forgotten to put it back on. 

* * *

Taeyong figured he should surprise Doyoung today. Earlier, he had made a burnt basque cheesecake — and all on his own, too — when he got Doyoung’s message: he was going to be home late, as per usual, and that Taeyong should just eat dinner ahead without him. But how could he do that? It was their second anniversary today, and Taeyong wanted to make Doyoung happy. 

Besides, he hadn’t had dinner with Doyoung for quite some time, and he just really missed those times. Frankly, Jaehyun’s name had been coming up quite frequently in the rare dinner conversations they had, and Taeyong wanted to know for himself just how good of a friend the former was. 

Taeyong decided that a simple basil and tomato pasta — one of Doyoung’s favourites — would be good, and he puttered around the kitchen, quickly assembling the dish. He hoped his boyfriend would be happy with the surprise, and he smiled, imagining the look on Doyoung’s face. 

Giving the kitchen a once over, Taeyong reached over the bar table for an insulated bag, to keep the food warm; Doyoung had always hated cold food, anyway. Now, all that he had left to do was to get the food to Doyoung before the latter actually ate dinner, and maybe meet his work friends. 

Taeyong moved the sling bag to his left shoulder carefully, making sure not to tip the cake. Belatedly, the thought that _he should have gotten flowers_ struck him as a bus screeched to a stop in front of him. 

Time all but slowed down for Taeyong as Doyoung stepped off the bus, a red rose in his right hand.

And the hand of another man in his left.

* * *

Doyoung could do nothing but stare at the man he loved as the hand he was holding started to feel like rocks dragging him under. _No,_ he shouldn’t have said _loved_. After all, he still loves Taeyong.

Doesn’t he?

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung’s voice cracked as he ripped his hand out of the younger man’s grip. 

Shit. _Shit._ How could he have gone completely out of his way to mess everything up so badly? 

“Taeyong.” Doyoung was frantic. He couldn’t even remember where everything started to go wrong. Taeyong turned away from him, his shoulders shaking as his body curved around itself, and Doyoung took a step towards him.

“Taeyong, please. Don’t go. ” But perhaps that was a lie, too.

* * *

Two arms. Two _pairs_ of arms. 

Two rings. _Ten fingers._ Two hands.

_Linked._

And although it had always been Taeyong and Doyoung, perhaps, Taeyong realized belatedly, it had never been Doyoung and Taeyong. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i kinda just hope the timeline wasn’t confusing 🥺
> 
> comments and kudos appreciated ♡


End file.
